Tuesday night we were eating a particularly late supper. One of Evan’s friends knocked on the door. He went to answer it and asked if it was all right to have his friend wait in his room while we finished. We said yes. This little boy, let’s call him Austin for the sake of this post, who has been at my house many times in the past, walked past us all at the dinner table, and as he was heading up the stairs he turned and said“ I wish I got to eat a family dinner with my Mom and Dad”.
Up the stairs he went. All four of us sat there in silence. My heart sank a little. John finally broke the silence and told Evan to go ask Austin if he would like to join us. They both came running down the stairs.
“Are you hungry? I asked.
“Yes” he said very quietly.
“Would you like some chicken and rice?”
“Yes, please” his eyes lit up.
“Did you eat supper tonight Austin?”
“Nope, my Mom works till like 9 or 9:30”
He was hungry. He ate 3 pieces of chicken and thanked me many times for it. A very polite little man.
Austin is a loner. He rides all over town on his bike. I don’t know much about his family, but I do see him wandering the streets at times when a child his age shouldn’t be wandering the streets. We’ve taken him home many a night when it’s just too cold or dark for him to ride home safely. His Mom never once calling the house looking for him.
A while later I asked Evan what kind of sandwich he wanted for lunch. Austin happily told Evan that he got free lunch every day. “Free lunch?” Evan looked at me and asked:
“How come I don’t get free lunch?”
“All you gotta do is fill out a paper,” he told Evan
“Mom we should fill out that paper”
Ok how do I handle this delicately? Before I had the chance to answer Austin says
“ I will find out for you tomorrow Evan”
Phew! I was frantically trying to come up with an answer for that one in my head, but luckily the conversation kinda died off.
As it approached 8:00pm I explained that Evan needed to take a shower and read for a half hour and asked if could John give him a ride home.
“Nah, I’m cool,” he said. “Besides I don’t have to be home till like 9:00pm”
9:00! On a school night?? Oh the thoughts that started running through my head. 11 years old on a bike, in the dark, alone. Please tell me he stays on the sidewalk?
I asked if someone was at home. “Yeah my Dad, he’s always in the basement”
Ok so Dad’s home but doesn’t feed the kid or call to see where he is after dark?
There were a hundred more questions I wanted to ask Austin, but I was afraid of the answers.
He thanked us for supper, jumped on his bike and off he went. Off into the dark. It bothered me. It bothered me so much that it was on my mind all night. Who was taking care of this child? Why didn’t he eat supper? Why is he allowed to roam the streets till 9:00pm on a school night? Doesn’t his mother worry about him? Care about him? Wonder where is he all those long hours by himself?
There is another story on his face. The scars. The family dog attacked Austin when he was a toddler. His face is covered in deep scars. When I look at him I wonder, was he attacked when no one was watching him? Did he scream and cry before someone noticed that he was being attacked? Was he alone? I just feel so bad for this kid.
After Evan had taken a shower, I talked to him about Austin. I want him to know and appreciate how lucky he is to sit down with his family to a hot meal every night. To be glad there is always someone home when he gets off the bus to make sure his homework is done, make him a snack; ask him how his day went. I want him to realize that not everyone gets a hug and an “I love you” before they close their eyes for the night. Not every child has a hot breakfast to fill their belly in the morning, or gets sent off to school with well wishes for the day.
I asked him to remember this when I’m getting a little too naggy, or I’m when I want to know exactly where he is all the time, when I tell him what time to be home, get a little overprotective, or call him when he’s not on his way back from the neighbors on time.
Sorry I rambled, this whole situation just shook me up inside. I worry. I care. I adore my children and would do anything in my power to protect them. I can’t imagine another mother not feeling the same way I do. I thought all Moms’ felt like me. I wish Austin’s did.
Oh Lisa. Don't worry about rambling. So odd that I just read this a few weeks ago:
ReplyDeletehttp://miss-britt.com/2008/08/matthews-mom-is-dead/
I feel badly for those kids. And your absolutely right about how sad it is. :(
Lisa, Thank you for what you did for him. Even one small moment where someone shows him that he is important and that someone cares can make a difference. This type of thing hurts my heart and I feel so frustrated that I can't fix it or make it better.
ReplyDeleteUgh, that kills me. It's like, who...wha...why....it's so sad but there are so many kids like this. It's horrible and painful to watch, you know he just longs to be part of a real traditional family unit.
ReplyDeleteOh Lisa, that just breaks my heart! My daughter has friends living in situations like that too. I'm always amazed at their parents' attitudes. I don't know how they can live with themselves!
ReplyDeleteThis just had me in tears. We had a child like that at our home. Same situation. Poor kid. I finally, after finding him wondering the streets on a cold and rainy autumn evening called the school social worker and explained to her what was going on. He was "allowed" to be home after school after that. Why not before? His stepdad locked him out because annoyed him. GRRR!
ReplyDeleteI still see the kid every now and then and he still looks forlorn and sad but he never comes over. I invite him and he says yeah but never does. :(
Lisa,
ReplyDeleteWow, that's some mighty powerful stuff there. If your son and that boy get a long well, you have an opportunity to really fill that kid up...with love.
Small things could make a real difference - like the family dinner you shared. Perhaps he could come over to do his homework every once in a while. Bet he'd love some of your cookies as a homework break!
Course, who wouldn't?!
lisa, i know this sounds weird but give that kid a hug for me... this is so sad. i can't even explain how i am feeling right now, i 've been through something a little bit like that and if it wasn't for my friend parents, who knows where i would be? please be kind to him and i'm sure he'll always remember you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reminding me of the little blessings we have and take for granted. When I was teaching, I came across so many of these kids who get neglected by their own parents and it really moved me. A decade later, a kid sends me a facebook message to say "thank you. If you hadn't believed in me, I wouldn't have either or made it this far in life." Gee....didn't think that little act of kindness made that much of a difference. But it did. I'm sure he would remember that dinner and the 3 pieces of chicken.:)
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