I carry this big to-do list around in my head every day
Each and every hour of the day
It’s always there
It keeps me awake at night
It forced me to be obsessive about list making
About crossing things off
A scratched off word
Erased in my head
More to fill its space
Sometimes I wonder if that space will ever be full
Will there come a time when those spaces will fill up with something other than what needs to be done?
What to pick up at the grocery store
What needs to be done in the yard
The garden
The house
My life
I don’t want time to rob me of the things I want to do
To take more photos
Make more pies
Read more books
Plant
Create
Connect
Live
Will there be a day when I’m free of the “to-do’s”?
When the “cant’s” are replaced by the “yes you cans”?
When my mind will finally take a rest
and let the rest of me breathe?
I'm waiting to exhale.
That saying really hit home for me too when I saw it because that's how I feel.
ReplyDeleteI love these words Lisa. Honest and true.
Honestly, when I hear about all you do, I get exhausted just thinking about it.
If it's going to be as nice there this weekend as it's going to be here, I hope you do something to treat yourself!!!
I don't think it ever ends. There is always "stuff to take care of." I've discussed this with numerous people, young and old. I think the trick for those like you and me, if I may be so presumptuous as to assume we think alike ;), is improving out ability to box that to do list away and shove it on a shelf in our minds for a day, or two, or three, and letting ourselves remember that if tomorrow never came, the to do list would be far less important than the pie or the book or the hug or the chat.
ReplyDeleteMy head is filled with lists, and I like having them and I like "doing" them. But, I cross things off day to day and more comes and it's a never-ending cycle. I do understand (Amy is like that too... waiting for her to chime in). ♥♥
I was just saying to Melissa ^^^ how I long for a day when I can simply relax and flip through a magazine. Without feeling hurried, or preoccupied, or unproductive.
ReplyDeleteThere is such great satisfaction in crossing things off a list, but those items are immediately replaced by others. It's exhausting to never feel like you're getting ahead.
Love this post, love the honesty, the urgency. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteInstead of worrying about checking the things off, maybe focus on being really present in the DOING part. So yes, you have to go to the grocery store, but you can also enjoy it? Idk, I definitely work on this too.
ReplyDeleteThis came right out of my head. I always thought the older I got the slower life would be...not so.
ReplyDelete