Sunday, March 9, 2008

Yee Haw!

My husband is a big country music fan. He grew up in New Mexico where they listen to lots of country music. Now I like some country music, in fact I love some of it. Johnny Cash, Tim McGraw, Hank Williams, the Dixie Chicks, Willie Nelson…love them. Then there’s the music I call “Goat Roping”. It’s the Yee-haw, hoe down, hee haw, knee-slappin’, tobacco spittin’, woooo doggy music that I can’t stand. John loves and takes every opportunity to torture me with that music.

A few months ago I heard a song on the radio called “I Want to Check You for Ticks”. This was a hit song on a popular radio station??? I don’t get it. So it’s a “thing” in our house (come on all houses have their “things”). John takes great pleasure in finding the most twangy, dog gone awful (see it’s rubbing off on me) goat roping music that he can find and plays it very loudly to annoy the shit outta me. I retaliate with Abba, hee hee! Don’t even tell me your toes don’t start tapping when you hear Waterloo, if you say no you’re a liar!

Yesterday he found a list of titles of real country songs. I kid you not, these are real song titles. So sit back ya’ll, pull up yer overalls, put on yer favorite twangy banjo pickin’ CD and enjoy!

· Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye.
· I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself or Go Bowling.
· I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run So We're Even.
· Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Daddy's Head).
· I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
· I Wouldn't Take Her to A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
· I'm So Miserable without you; It's Like Having You Here.
· If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now.
· My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.
· You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
· Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.
· At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump
· Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreen’s and I Cried All the Way to Sears
· Get Off the Stove, Grandma, You're Too Old To Ride The Range
· Get Your Biscuits in the Oven, and Your Buns In The Bed
· I Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me With A Spade
· It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long
· I Got the Hungries for Your Love and I'm Waitin in Your Welfare Line
· I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to make a First Class Fool Out of Me
· I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
· There Ain't Enough Room in my Fruit of The Looms to Hold All My Lovin' For You
· Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife's Heart

My personal favorite:
· If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.

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