Friday, January 21, 2011

What did the Boomtown Rats say?

Storm 19

I don't like Mondays. Well I have another line to add.

I don't like JANUARY!

Do you have a month that always seems to drag you down? A month where everything seems to go wrong? A month where you are counting the days until it’s over?

In years past, that month was February for me. I say was because I am slowly beginning to dislike January.

I don’t dislike January for the reasons that most people dislike it…the snow, the cold the weather, the dark mornings, the bitter cold nights. I can deal with all of that. I love the snow, the cold doesn’t bother me so much and I can bare dark morning. There always seems to be a month that just kicks your ass and this year that is January for me.

I don’t like to complain….but here I go. This month has brought me medical flare-ups. I have a disease (that I haven’t talked about here, and probably never will) that can cause lots of pain, and when I am in the middle of a flare-up, its just sucks.

I lost my hot water for 2 days and then found out that I needed a plumber to fix the faucets in my bathroom sink and tub.

My son is struggling in English. This means a conference with guidance and his teachers. I’m worried for him. They want to move him to a collaborative class. He loves his teacher. He does not want to change classes.

One of my closest friends is losing his Dad. I listened to him sob in pain, the kind of pain that comes from deep inside you. It broke my heart into pieces.

John went to work this morning, tried parking in Providence, where on a sunny day that is a challenge, and his truck was towed. I can only imagine how much this is going to cost.

Then there was lots of other stupid stuff, trivial little things that normally I could just brush off and move on from. All those things are just adding up, contributing to this shitty month. I’m feeling it from every little corner.

Dare I say I’m burnt out? Me, the person who never stops, who is usually always in a pretty happy mood, who tries to see the good and hopefulness in every day, yes, even I get to my breaking point and then I feel like I’m letting everyone down cause people are so shocked when I’m not “me”, like I’m never allowed to feel a little down.

It’s in times like this that I find my solace in baking. Standing in my kitchen with my mixing bowls, surrounded by sugar, butter and flour. It’s my therapy. I’m lost for a little bit and big bad January can’t touch me for awhile. It’s my happy place.

So another recipe will be coming tomorrow and the end of January is near. My Mom’s birthday is coming up, so there is one reason in January that can still make me smile.

Sorry for the bummer of a post. It’s not always lollipops and gumballs here. Just thought you should know. Here’s hoping February is filled with everything good that January wasn’t, oh and chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate.

That can never hurt.


Darcy@SomewhatMuddledMusings. said...

...hoping these last days of the month will be brighter for you! ((HUGS))

Amy said...

Oh, holy crap balls. DISLIKE...x10 - so sorry, Lisa. That is a long list of bad shit that I'd like to throw on a really mean person.

I swear, I had an entire year like this before we moved back to CA. No fun.

Who says we shouldn't use food as comfort? Screw that. Go smother yourself in some chocolate.

Anne said...

I completely understand. I had a December (and actually late Nov) month like that. Felt like it wasn't going to end. But it did and things are definitely brighter now. Hang in WILL get better! Sending you a big hug.

sherry lynn said...

OH DEAR,I hate to see you so down . but myprayers are sent above and hopefully on their way to you. yes, jan. is a crap month in my life and it started on the 1.but i read you daily and your birds make me smile , your humor dark or light is what makes you wonderful and so human. we can relate and the fact you share your sadness and joy ( and the in between)with us is what makes friends.i live in co.and my kids are all grown ,lots of grandkids and problems, but we too have to find the joy sometimes. so when you wish you had just stayed in bed and covered up your head, we are right there with you !lots of love dear.

Melissa said...

Hey now. Don't go apologizing. You have nothing to apologize for. January kicked your ass? Well you'll just have to kick the rest of the year's ass right back!

Much love, Lisa. I hope things start to look up very soon. And covering them in chocolate helps.

Dana @ Cooking At Cafe D said...

I really dislike winter. I've thought about doing the whole spectrum light thing, etc. But, I just try to eat as healthy as I can - yeah right - be sure my iron is up - and muddle through.

Winter. Bleck.
I really hope you find some sunshine :)

Gerilynne said...

Oh Lisa, I feel and share your pain.

I like cold. I like snow. Dark mornings do not bother me. But January to me, rather than be seen as a new start, is always a month of deep sadness.

January 2006 was one of my worst. My father died, the cat died and my husband deployed to Afghanistan, within three weeks of each other. I remember falling to my knees in the kitchen and just sobbing the night before James left. It was all too much at that point.

It will get better. And the nice thing about it, at least they can't add any more days to the month!

PS: February's a good month. The sun hangs around longer in the afternoons and makes beautiful colors at sunset. Hang in there, my friend!

jancd said...

If your world was perfect, you would already be in heaven. Life is never guaranteed to be wonderful. You are a real person and we love you. I have been sick in bed for a week and don't feel any better, so I feel a tiny bit of your pain. I will pray for you tonight and ask you to include me in yours.

Sharon said...

Life is not an easy road, and the bumps always seem to come in bunches. Please know that you have lots of friends out here who are sending warm hugs your way.

Kim said...

I am so sorry, Lisa. This is some stress. And stress begets stress and all of a sudden even the tiniest mishap can topple you over as if it were an avalanche. Plus, your whole family is being affected by these incidents and I'm sure that's why it's so powerful-- you can't seem to soothe their pain, much less your own.

I understand the healing power of mixing and stirring and I'm hoping your brow is dusted with flour this morning. I also understand the healing power of blogging and I'm so thankful that you're sharing all of this with us. Because as I read over these comments, I see that everyone who is reading this wants to carry away a tiny piece of your pain and a little chunk of your bad luck. Every one of us wants you to be free again. You are the little bird!! Fly away little bird!

~lifedramatic~ said...

Hugs to you sweetie! You and I are far apart in miles, but you're close to my heart! I hope February is a million times better than January! Hugs, kisses and warm weather heading your way!



krysta said...

september is my month... it gets better, right? sending lots of good thoughts your way!